Things That Are Therapeutic

I have been seeing a psychologist since my son was born. There, I said it. I was originally diagnosed with adjustment disorder.

Adjustment Disorder is an abnormal and excessive reaction to an identifiable life stressor.

I don't agree that my reaction to being told my baby was going to die before age 1 was abnormal and excessive. But nevertheless, I do agree that adjusting to my new life and expectations was stressful and difficult. Since then, I have found other ways to deal with stress (although I continue with my therapist!! :).

I didn't always use the "right" kind of therapy. I threatened my drug and alcohol counselor husband that I was going to start drinking. But I've never been much for alcohol, so that didn't work out. What did work out for a while was "retail therapy." When Jordan was a baby, I thought if he was going to have surgery, he deserved all kinds of expensive toys and cute outfits, even if we couldn't really afford them. And I deserved some new clothes, music, books, too many dinners out....

Since then, I've come up with some more effective and less destructive ways to deal with stress. Getting involved with disability studies has been therapeutic for me. It is no longer just my child, no longer just me as a parent. Disability studies has given me a wider perspective and a community.

I also have an "alone night" every week that has been therapeutic for me. I finally realized that my husband has one night out a week playing Dungeons and Dragons, of all things, so I should have a night to myself as well. I usually have something "bad" but delicious for dinner and then go shopping and to the movies. I don't like seeing any sad movies anymore or even many "dramas." I like purely escapist, silly movies.

The other usual things are also therapeutic for me: music; writing; a long, hot bath; putting on a nice-smelling lotion; getting a nice haircut. And actually, spending time with my son is therapeutic. It has never been him that I've been trying to escape from, that has caused me to need something therapeutic; it's the rest of the world, with their stares, their prescriptions, their red tape. Another parent told me early on, "You'll find your new normal." I think after 4 years, I finally have. I think all along I've been adjusting to making this a normal life for us.

Play-Doh: Life Lessons

Jordan and I have gotten really into "playing Play-Doh," as he calls it. Kneading the Doh, creating whatever we want--including mainly food, for some reason, as well as chairs, beds, and other items his mini penguin, Pengu, is apparently in desperate need of--I think Play-Doh can teach us a lot about life. Jordan often says he "can't" make a certain thing he wants to make, or he says, "I don't know how." I tell him, first of all, there is no "can't" in our house. Second, even if what he makes isn't perfect, he just has to TRY. And with practice, what he makes will turn out better each time. Playing Play-Doh is not about making perfect things; it's about practicing, learning, being creative, being funny, and even relieving tension through kneading a ball in your hands. Play-Doh IS LIFE.