It's Not Contagious

Today was a beautiful day, so we headed out to the playground. We went to Jordan's favorite one (and mine!), Everybody's Playground. It's an accessible playground--people with walkers, crutches, and wheelchairs can get right up onto it easily because of the wide ramps. We had Jordan's birthday party there last year and are thinking of doing it again this year.

The Stare Patrol, as we call it, is always out in full force there, and I try not to be bothered by it. But it is amazing the different reactions to Jordan--the ignorant, the rude, and the outright bizarre!

The parents my age don't stare that much or seem overly concerned with Jordan, but some of the kids stare and ask questions. I overheard two kids discussing Jordan's crutches. The crutches were lying on the ground near them, and they looked like they really wanted to touch them. The boy said to the girl, "They're fake," pointing to the crutches. He reached out slowly to try to touch them, probably thinking I wouldn't notice. When I glanced over, he said, "Uh, does he need these?" I said, "Yes." Then Jordan grabbed them and ran away, and the girl said, "They're real."

Then this was pretty cool, actually--Jordan kept using his crutches as "guns," so one boy in particular really wanted the other one to also use as a gun. My husband said to him, "They're not toys," but it was clear that they are to Jordan!

The older women, on the other hand, are the worst. First, the pity approach: I heard one grandmother say, as Jordan ran off using his crutches, "God bless him." Gee, thanks. God bless you and your grandchildren, too. Believe it or not, Jordan doesn't need any more blessing than anyone else.

This other older woman really got my ire up. Her grandson was a few years older than Jordan and kept following Jordan around. They were having fun playing together. Often kids do just come up to Jordan, and Jordan leads them around. He is especially commanding on the playground, and even more so on one like this with a fake pirate ship on it! He was leading this kid around saying they were looking for treasure, etc. But the grandmother was not happy about it. She told him a few times to be careful. Then she called him over to her and stage whispered, "I told you, go over there and play by yourself." He ran off but minutes later was playing with Jordan again. I saw him sitting on one side of the pirate ship, but when he saw Jordan, he got up and moved to sit next to him.

I told my husband I was going to say to that woman, "It's not contagious." I can understand her not wanting her grandson to be the one to knock over the "poor crippled boy." Ughhghg. But to ban him from playing with my son, when all the kid was doing was treating Jordan like any other kid? Strange, and if you think about it, truly terrible. Heartless? Selfish? Fearful? Is my beautiful, joyful boy someone to be feared? Or as that kid today realized, someone to conquer the playground with?

Letter to Parents Regarding “Ski Poles”

Over and over, I have seen the same reaction from other parents. These are people in my own family as well as friends of mine, not strangers. What happens is their kid takes Jordan’s “ski poles” (forearm crutches) and starts to play with them. The parent, who seemed to not even be watching what their child was doing for the past half hour, suddenly shouts in a tremulous voice, “GIVE THEM BACK TO JORDAN! THEY’RE NOT TOYS!!!”

I know that everyone thinks Jordan really needs the ski poles to get by, but if he doesn't have them for a minute, it's FINE. A few things:

First, I actually kind of LIKE it when another kid takes them and plays with them because it shows that they are normal, not anything to be scared of or think is weird. If your kids see them as something normal and maybe even something “cool,” then maybe you should, too.

Also, kids only take them when he's not using them, when they're sitting on the floor unused. They couldn't steal them out of his hands if he didn't want them to have them. He has very strong arms and hands, I’d say stronger than most kids because he relies on them more than other kids do. Also, he genuinely thinks he is a PIRATE and is very good at swordfighting. He would use the ski poles as swords to avoid having them stolen from him when he’s using them.

So then the point is that when kids take them, it's a time he isn't actually using them and doesn't need them. He is occupied with something else. He doesn’t use these ski poles 24 hours a day. He likes to stand at tables and play or sit on the floor or sit on chairs, the sofa, you know, just like other people.

So if by chance your child should kick him while he’s walking with the ski poles, steal them out of his hands and run away with them, as he lies crying on the floor—helloooo, he would not do this; he would LAUGH that someone tricked him—then yes, I guess it does warrant a tremulous voice and a “They’re not toys!!!”

But if your child does the only thing we’ve seen so far, which is take them when Jordan isn’t even using them, then just please act like it’s Jordan’s favorite toy truck—yell at them like it’s that, not like it’s some sacred object that they’ve stolen. They’re not sacred—Jordan got along before he had them, and he’ll get along even if all the ski poles in the universe are suddenly destroyed.

Bringing me to another point: Parents often say, "You're going to break them!!" If your child can bend or break metal, then I'd like to see him try!

I thought at first when I saw this overreaction by other parents that they were upset because they were picturing their own child using the crutches and didn’t want to think about that. But I have since realized that other parents probably don’t think that way. The do genuinely want Jordan to have his ski poles back. Plus, the thought probably never crosses their mind that their child would ever need to use objects to walk with. Must be nice.

But It’s not so bad, you know. It’s a great accomplishment for Jordan to be using these walking sticks. When I see him walking around the house or the mall or the yard with the ski poles, I think of the five surgeries, the first year of his life spent almost entirely in casts, and I don’t get upset that he’s using the poles. I am overjoyed to see how happy he is having this independence.